Really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree!
Thursday, May 29th, 2008Well, I have now seen everything. Someone has stolen our dear peaches, just ripe and full and luscious and ready to be eaten, right off the tree. I know that a lot of you are thinking that a squirrel or deer must be the culprit, but I have seen both of those creatures’ handywork, and I would be very suprised if our own five fingered species isn’t at fault. Which means that some ONE stole my darn peaches. That I’ve been watering, tending to, and caressing for the last two months. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m going to make a HUGE deal out of this. Even if purely for entertainment value. Even if squirrels and deer really are the culprits, I’m going to make sure that if there’s a tiny chance that someone took my peaches, that they feel childish for their action! Or at the very least, they come tell me, “Gee, I’m sorry, but it didn’t look like you were going to want to eat those mouth-wateringly ripe peaches. And so I stole them”. I’m telling you people: This aggression will not STAND! (name the movie?) I’m offering a reward of a glass of Villager to the person who can post the best story about what happened to my peaches. And if you took ‘em, oh, man, you better have a REAL darn good reason. And be prepared to be shamed all over town as I spin this and all of the resulting conjectures into one big rumor floating around town about the Peach Scandal of 2008!